Why I’ll never be your average feminist

Ok, so I have mentioned that I was an Aviation technician prior to starting a family before. I know a bit about having an untraditional experience. I’m sure you might assume I’d be all into all the feminist movements, right? Wrong. This is why.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all about women doing anything and everything they choose to do with their lives. I absolutely LOVE learning about women who were or are first or only females in their field. (It doesn’t matter which field, though I do have a soft spot for aviation, which is rich with these stories.)

Sometimes we need potentially uncomfortable experiences to broaden our horizons

My biggest reason is due to an experience in high school where I was asked to speak with a panel of professionals about my experience in my very non-traditional course work. Obviously, I was incredibly proud just to be asked. I hesitated though. I was in highschool, and an introvert. Standing in front of any group for ANY purpose was at the top of my list… of things I NEVER wanted to do- EVER!

That was also the year that I was informed (in my senior year of school) that I was missing one quarter of an art credit. The only way to make the time to take one was by spending both halves of the school day in the much larger school connected to the tech school I was attending. I literally took the last option that was open… Chorus class… Chorus class in a school that was housed in five buildings. Each building almost as large as the school I normally attended. Can you say bye, bye comfort zone? (I say as if being the only female in my aviation maintenance class was a comfort zone!)

Experiencing the untraditional leads to (usually positive, if challenging) discussion and experience of the untraditional.

Ok, back to the discussion panel, how that went, and how it led to my untraditional outlook on an “untraditional” subject. My teacher was pretty smart, and insistent. He did convince me to do it. I think he practically required it. Looking back now it was definitely an experience I needed, and it really is a valuable subject to discuss openly. I suppose I was kind of born to look at these things closely from an odd angle though. My mom had also been a “first female.” She worked as a gondola operator at one point. Once she passed away, I was raised by a single father during the 80’s and 90’s. I was lucky enough to have two parents who both embraced untraditional roles.

I was not the first female in my aviation maintenance class. Only a couple had gone before me, and at one point there was another woman in my class. I, for the life of me, cannot recall which point she was there, or maybe if she visited my senior year to start the following year? Most of my time in that class I was the only female, and it was discussed a lot. This wasn’t the first class where I was an “only female.” I took shop too, in addition to home economics, not instead of. Have I mentioned that I value learning new skills?

So, very reluctantly I agreed to join this panel of much more experienced women in various untraditional professions to speak about my experience. Most people find aviation to be pretty relatable in this matter. It’s probably largely due to World War II, and the explosion of women in unconventional roles like “Rosie the Riveter.” Most people also appreciate visuals, which I’m sure is why I was asked to bring a prop or two.

Props should be interesting

This, I was glad to do. For one thing It would provide me with something to talk about if nothing else. I chose a cylinder from a radial Pratt and Whitney engine we had been working on inspecting. This led to the moment that made me stop and say “huh” when everything was finished.

Following a successful event we were all preparing to leave. I went ahead and picked up the cylinder to carry up the stairs, and return it to my classroom. For the record they aren’t particularly light. They are as light as the technology of their time allows, but aircraft engines aren’t what most people would recognize as “light.” I was accustomed to getting stuff done though, and just went for it. I lifted it, shifted it to a mostly comfortable position, headed up the stairs, and… I got interrupted by the host. Again, don’t get me wrong. I REALLY looked up to and respected her. The thing she said though, really sent me for a loop. “Put that down, and go get one of the boys to carry that for you.”

What?!

Now, being young, somewhat unexperienced and tending to be quiet, I didn’t argue, I followed her instruction. I was also kind of stunned, and didn’t know quite what to say. You see, a couple of the guys had come with me in the beginning and one had carried the cylinder partway for me. When I was carrying it he opened doors for me and I opened them for him when he carried it. On the way we’d discussed it and came to the conclusion I’d be fine carrying it myself on the way back. It would mean an extra trip to have them help and an ill-timed interruption to class.

I’ve had many times where I felt the need to prove myself as a woman in an unusual field, but this time always stood out and bothered me. A woman who was teaching women that they could do anything they chose literally wouldn’t allow me to do something because she saw it as something a man should do.

My unique experience with the untraditional tells me there really aren’t as many difficult men in these areas than you might be lead to believe

It has been far easier for me to contradict the few difficult men I have encountered. First, they are far more rare than you might think. Most have been very supportive. A few have taken more of a wait and see approach to see if I really was capable or would cause them more work. Seriously, only a very few men have ever given me a truly difficult time. Those, I handle much the same way I’d handle working with any jerk. Thanks to a few good teachers who knew that it would happen eventually, I’ve learned well to be plenty assertive when necessary.

Men and women communicate differently- working with the opposite sex teaches communication and confidence

It takes practice, and a certain level of confidence I suppose, but it’s a good skill to learn for anyone. In this case a woman literally made me walk to the classroom and ask someone to help me with something I was capable of and had arranged doing myself. Asking for help when you need it is a good thing. Making work for others unnecessarily just looks bad no matter what you do for a living. Luckily, I was working with a good group of guys whom I had worked with long enough for them to know I wouldn’t have made extra work for them unnecessarily.

There is literally no job I know of that the right woman who wants to couldn’t do. (Btw that goes for men too, other than maybe a doula? Who knows maybe there’s a man who could do that well too…) Many times we stand in our own way. You can learn the skills. Believe it or not most of the time there are little tricks to get you past the physical, muscle stuff. Carrying the cylinder was an exception but I consistently surprised people with my strength given my size at the time.

Be direct when communicating, especially with someone particularly difficult. Often, you’ll find the gruffest men are the the happiest to teach us those skills, but only if you show an interest, and don’t purposely make the job more difficult. They generally want more people to learn to experience and appreciate those untraditional skills, not less.

Feminist or not, traditional or not, find what you love to do, and do THAT!

If the only thing standing in your way of what you want to do is not having seen any of your peers do it, be the one to do it. (Unless we’re talking the whole jumping off a bridge thing- don’t do that!). I mean the worst that can happen is that you decide it’s not for you. Which is also valuable information! Traditional or not, the only way to know is to experience it!

Don’t let ANYONE tell you what you can or cannot, or even should/should not do. Each of us only experiences that which we are familiar with. In all likelyhood if someone tells you that something will be out of your reach it’s because it’s out of their own experience. Don’t let their experience limit you!

It’s also worth noting here that I went from one of the most masculine fields to pretty much the most feminine, and loved both entirely!

If you found this article interesting, check out In Memory of Strong Women! A post I wrote about the women in my life who influenced me to try whatever interested me regardless of how traditional, or untraditional it may have been. I think everyone should try to have as broad an experience as possible whether that means traditional or untraditional experiences and skills.