Eeek! My daughter went ahead and grew up!
Even if your kids are still a bit younger you know it’s coming. (Or maybe you wonder if it ever will) For me it’s actually here! It may even be a bit amplified since she’s also the one in our household who attends public school. My kid has turned 18, and will be graduating this year! Yes, she’s graduating in 2020! The idea of this is terrifying, and awesome at the same time! What an adventure! Current events make it even more of a landmark moment than it already was.
Goals of a lifetime!
I’ve been working toward these days since she was born. My main goal as a parent is for her to grow into a capable adult who can take care of herself, and in my wildest dreams I hope even an adult I’d enjoy the company of! Every wish I’ve made since she was born includes my child (ren) growing up happy, and healthy. This never changes, no matter what I am personally going through. Since having my first child my wish is always the same.
I wish for J to grow up happy and heathy. I later added her sisters, but this week I’m writing for J. She was my first. My sweet, loving, smart Eldest daughter.
Part of that wish (for her especially) includes graduating high school as her first step to any of her other goals. Her later goals may not always align with mine, but this one does. She also worked hard to accomplish it, and I want to celebrate that accomplishment.
She’s in the drivers seat of life, if not a car…
Her turning 18, and becoming an adult officially puts me in the passenger seat of her life. I don’t know about you, but I find the passenger seat challenging. More so since becoming a parent. I’ve spent my years of being a parent working toward this moment though, and I really do trust her. She has a proven track record of making good decisions. Now I only get to “judge” still because she still lives with us, and then only really important decisions.
Whether she or I am ready it’s time for her to explore out of the nest.
Sometime soon I hope she won’t. That may sound strange- and feels even stranger, but in my opinion it is good for a young adult to explore a wider part of the world than they’ve likely seen as children with their parents. They need to do it independently. I don’t necessarily mean by themselves, but in a situation where they completely make their own decisions, and take care of themselves. Really learn to “adult.”
Independence and changing plans
Her plan until just recently included just about as perfect of a scenario for that as I could hope for as a mom- College in a state away from us but that I am familiar with. I have friends there, and so does she. In fact her best friend lives there too. Her first decision in this new stage of life though, was to not go to that college, and wound up with a new plan that includes staying close to home.
Obviously, on one hand I’m thrilled. I won’t have to wonder too much what my baby is going through, and if she is safe. The problem with that though is that she’s postponing a big step that I believe has to happen, and it’s easier to make it happen now than it ever will be again.
Growing up happens slowly, moments are fleeting.
The thing is though, These are all big steps. Graduation, and adulthood coincide very closely for her. They’re only separated by a couple weeks!
The hard part for me is remembering that she needs to make these decisions for herself. I can help if she discusses her escapades with me, but I don’t get to make her decisions for her. More than ever I have to remember that we can only control our own choices, not someone else’s- If they decide not to follow advice, or accept help, that is their own decision. If she feels she needs to wait to fly out of the nest I will gladly wait for that transition. I have to wonder though if it will just be harder later. And who will it be harder for, her, or me?
Ahhh, to be young, energetic, and have the magic of a new beginning!
I truly can’t wait to see what she does choose as her first grown-up adventure though. I hope I have done my job well, and she feels comfortable sharing it with me a little. The world is waiting!
If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy https://mytranslucentreflections.com/time-is-like-a-river/
Anne Bengaff
On the surface I'm a 41 year old wife, and mom to 3 teenage girls. More than that though I am an accumulation of my adventures, and the skills I've gained. As a young woman I became an aviation maintenance technician through a school in S.C. I also lost my mother before I was 5. While my girls were growing up and becoming at least a bit more independent I graduated from the local community college with an associates degree in liberal studies. I've recently been reminded how important it is to continue learning, and following your own pursuits even while busy taking care of every one else.
