In Memory of Strong Women

I have been lucky enough to have had many strong women in my life. I hope I can live up to half of what I’m left to only imagine they would expect of me. The one thing I know they had in common was high expectations.

I was the eldest female in my household from just before my 5^th birthday. My dad wasn’t one to put that position on me, but I felt it none the less. Before that my mom raised me to be a strong, independent spirit. Small moments with her taught me to express being thankful as well as the importance of making myself heard when it was called for. She also started me on my path of valuing new skills without concern of if they were seen as feminine or male dominated. My father certainly didn’t try to deter me either.

We all need strong women to look up to

Most of the elder females I’ve looked up to have passed as well. Some influenced me more easily than others. My grandmothers’ generation was the one which I learned from most often.

Someone close with any luck

In the interest of complete honesty the woman who I had the most direct contact with was the “matriarch” of my fathers family, and boy, did we ever bump heads. I cannot deny though, that she was a very strong, intelligent woman, and I did learn a lot from her. We had issues getting along, but she taught me to always put my best foot forth, hold my tongue when I should, and to speak up for myself when necessary. Despite her kitchen being her space, which I was not allowed to use most of the time I did manage learning a few tricks from her in there.

Her intro to caring for a family was a bit different from many of my peers or anyone else I was familiar with. She had come from a pretty financially secure household. I believe they had a cook and someone who cleaned. At some point in her adolescence her father left her mom and she moved herself and her two daughters across the country to the tenements in Newark, NJ. My Grandmother wound up basically caring for her mother and sister shortly after, not to mention holding a job at the same time! That woman learned fast and worked hard! Oh, and she usually did it cheerfully!

Strong women we can identify with

My mother’s favorite aunt taught me to embrace adventure. She traveled a lot. I heard many stories of her travels. This is one branch the travel bug comes from in my family. She lived quite independently while married to a man she seems to have loved a lot. (He was pretty awesome in his own right.) Sadly, they did not have any children, but that seems to have led to her doting on my mother, and then my sister, and I. 

One particular story that sticks out to me is the time she was visiting her sister (my mom’s mother) when my mother was small. My mom had wanted to camp outside. My grandmother had told her she couldn’t without an adult accompanying her but wouldn’t spend the night in a tent herself. I adored my maternal grandmother, but she wasn’t the most adventurous woman. I can completely picture this discussion in my mind.

My great Aunt argued on my mom’s behalf, and wound up helping with the tent, and camped in the yard with my mom. She used her fur coat as a blanket! (I should note that this happened in the 50’s when fur was seen far differently than it is now!) So, my very well dressed great aunt gave up a comfortably made bed as a guest to sleep outside with her niece! She slept out there fully dressed with the coat as a blanket, and embraced the moment. She taught me to embrace joy of the moment.

Strong women warm hearts

Speaking of my maternal grandmother… Like I said, adventure was not her thing, but she always did her best to make everyone comfortable. Her cleaning schedule was a mystery. She made it look effortless. She clearly did the work. Her home was immaculate, and we were always beyond comfortable in it, but I never, and I mean never saw her work. I saw her prepare meals, but even that didn’t stand out, because I don’t think I ever saw her clean up- The food just appeared, and the kitchen was clean. I suspect she had a skill in distraction. We also didn’t visit as often, or as long at their house as we did my dad’s parent’s home. I know she suffered one of the most painful losses anyone can experience and managed to hide a lot of pain, while endeavoring to always make everyone around her relaxed and comfortable.

You may find you learn more than expected if you pay attention

Those were the women who influenced me before I ever dreamed I’d get married, and have children of my own. Most of my homemaking skills were self-taught, with the exception of learning extensive cleaning skills from my paternal grandmother. She interestingly left out laundry though. Her priority was in having everyone’s laundry handed to her when she was ready to do the laundry, and did laundry for everyone. My father was actually the one who made sure we knew how to do the laundry.

Those who encourage you to keep getting better

I cannot leave out my grandmother-in-law. She gave me possibly the most important piece of advice I have been given. That advice was to always have something you do for yourself as a skill whether you work outside the home or not and stay current in it. She was able to work as a receptionist well past the age you might expect someone to have been able. She also continued learning the new technology, and systems in her field.

This is advice I have really worked toward embracing. I see being a stay at home mom as my actual job, and it keeps me busy, but I endeavor to continue learning skills. Mine tend to be interdisciplinary. I have periodically worked outside the home too, even since kids. When I have though, our home life suffers, so I hope to someday find something I can do from home. In the house we plan on building I intend to incorporate a workshop and/or an office of my own. Narrowing ideas might be a challenge since I’ve gained skills and interests that couldn’t be much more scattered. I only hope I can help my own girls (and anyone else who happens to be paying attention) half as much as any of these strong women managed to let me learn from them.

Learn from the strong women around you- They often know more than they let on!

I taught myself a lot, but I couldn’t have learned it if they hadn’t taught me to explore the world. I paid attention to what I needed to know, either by being quiet and watching, or speaking up and asking questions. My life was made incredibly easier by being encouraged to jump in and try to do things for myself. Oh, and I think possibly the best lesson of all was modeled by most of them. I learned to enjoy life whenever possible, and do your job as genuinely cheerfully as possible. Our lives at home are our own making. Make them something you enjoy. Don’t approach life with fear. approach it with an optimistic sense of adventure whenever possible!

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